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Destination Wedding Basics: Why Marry Away?

In the past, marrying away from home usually meant eloping. The couple would steal away in the night to flee family disapproval or expectations and tie the knot on their own terms. Today, the idea has shed its stigma and a growing number of couples are hightailing it away from the traditional formal affair to a casual, intimate occasion in their dream honeymoon spot.

These destination weddings involve just the couple; the couple and a select handful of friends and family (often just another couple); or the couple plus enough guests to constitute a bona fide weeklong family -- or college -- reunion. Then, the just-marrieds can take a second week to disappear on their own. The "reception," if any, is more like a big party and held when the couple returns home. Why are destination weddings a growing trend?

1. They're Virtually Stress-Free
Pop in the classic movie "Father of the Bride" and you'll soon understand why destination weddings are so popular. They are almost guaranteed to be simpler (and faster!) to plan than a traditional wedding and reception for two main reasons:

1) Honeymoon-happy resorts and cruise lines around the world have made it easier and more appealing to wed on-site. Many have full-time wedding coordinators on staff who are familiar with that country's marriage license requirements and who offer wedding packages that take care of all your ceremony essentials (photographer, cake, minister, etc.). You step off the plane and sign the papers; they take care of the rest.

2) Tourist boards are jumping on the bandwagon, with brochures listing ceremony sites and local wedding vendors in their area. Even governments are working to ease restrictions and attract to-be-weds.

If you're not getting married at a resort, you can hire a stateside wedding planner who specializes in destination weddings, contact a wedding planner in the town you plan to wed, or start early and do it yourself. Either way, you won't have to plan a reception, and won't that be a relief?!

2. No Family Drama
The second reason destination weddings rule? No scene-stealing family drama.

For Jennifer and Marc Schwartz, the initial family strategy session began to foreshadow a very large get-together of extended family and business associates. Predictably, each set of parents had their own ideas. One set thought the wedding should be held in New York City because most guests were from the area. Another set had a problem with the expense of a big-city wedding. Jennifer says that she and Marc never stopped feeling that the event is, first and foremost, about the two people getting married. "It's great if the two families are in rapport, but if not, who needs all that negative stuff?"

3. They're Cost Effective
The affordability of a destination wedding has many couples speeding off to the airport faster than you can say "I do." For instance, a couple can fly to an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica, get married, and stay for a deluxe weeklong honeymoon for a few thousand dollars, including lodging, meals, drinks, and airfare. Compare that with your average 150-guest wedding costing about $22,000 -- which can easily skyrocket to more than $40,000 in big cities -- plus a few extra thousand for a honeymoon. To ease the financial burden, many couples opt to travel to a place where they can get married, have a honeymoon, and still have some money left over to start their new lives together.

4. You Call The Shots
While formal weddings hold meaning for many couples, linking them to the traditions of their ancestors and culture, others want the experience to be unique, with a ceremony and location that reflect their true colors. Perhaps an "Out of Africa" experience? A snowy mountain-peak ceremony? The world is your altar.

Best of all? You make the rules! Feel free to wear a sundress or shorts (even a bikini!), go barefoot, carry fern fronds, hire a ukulele band, and toast your love alone on your balcony at sunset -- nude! If you can dream it, you can do it.

5. They're Simply Perfect for Second Marriages
Been-there-done-that couples who are getting married for the second or third time choose destination weddings because they're simple and private. Either the bride and/or groom have done the Hollywood-scale production before and want something quieter or less expensive this time around, or they want to be someplace anonymous, without the watchful eyes and whispers of the hometown crowd. (Get married at a kid-friendly, all-inclusive resort or cruise to help your new Brady Bunch do some solid bonding.)

6. They're a Once-in-a-Lifetime Reunion Opportunity
At a typical wedding, you're on the run, meeting and greeting. Destination weddings are on vacation time. You're usually required to arrive a few days early to fill out the paperwork, so by the time your wedding rolls around, you've had two to three days of fun with your sweetie, family, and friends. How often do you have the opportunity to spend no-rush quality playtime with dear, far-flung friends? This is your chance.

Need we say more?
 

Knowing the right questions to ask yourselves, your vendors, and any government agencies (the folks who make it legal) is key to creating a successful faraway wedding -- and avoiding tons of stress! (The other secret to a happily-ever-after event? Get all price quotes and agreements in writing, and worry no more.) Below is a question checklist to help guide you through the planning process. Make sure you've answered all these questions before digging in.


Picking a Destination

·  Do you want to marry in the United States or in a foreign country -- a Caribbean island, Europe, Thailand?

·  If marrying in the U.S., call the county marriage license bureau of the town in which you are having the ceremony. Are there any guidelines regarding birth certificates, health tests, and proofs of divorce (if applicable)?

·  If marrying overseas, call the country's consulate or tourism bureau in the U.S., or the U.S. embassy in that country, to ask about the following: residency requirements, required documentation, medical tests, processing time for paperwork, proof of divorce, witnesses, and the requirements for a religious ceremony versus a civil ceremony. Do documents have to be translated? Notarized? Who can legally do this? How long do they estimate it will take to process your paperwork?

·  What time of year is best to visit? Can you save money by marrying during the off-season?

·  Does your destination offer easy access to wedding services: local photographers, videographers, caterers, florists, wedding planners?

·  Has your destination been hit by recent bad weather: hurricane, tropical storm, drought? Have facilities been affected?

·  If inviting family and friends, does the destination offer lots of activities for pre- and postwedding play?


Finding Your Wedding Style

·  Do you want to marry by yourselves or in the company of family and friends?

·  If you have guests, do y ou want a simple cake-and-champagne celebration, or a seated meal?

·  Are you comfortable handling details yourselves, or do you want to pass them along to a wedding specialist (on-site coordinator or destination wedding planner)?

·  Are you willing to be flexible about elements of your wedding to save money, time, and sanity? (For example, if you have your heart set on wearing your mother's heavily beaded gown with full-length train, you may want to rethink your fantasy wedding on a balmy beach.)


Inviting Guests

·  How many people are you inviting?

·  Will everyone pay for their own airfare and accommodations, or will you cover some or all of the cost?

·  If your guest list includes 10 or more people, call a bunch of different airlines. Do they offer group discounts?

·  Have you checked everyone's availability for your chosen dates?

·  If marrying overseas, are all your guests' passports valid?

Site Inspection

·  Does the resort/ship have wedding packages or honeymoon specials?

·  What are the different packages and what is included in each: officiant, flowers, music, cake, marriage license, photography, video, salon services, candlelit dinner, massage, etc.? If an option is not included, can it be arranged? What other extra services are available a la carte?

·  If there are no packages, how are weddings priced? According to the number of guests?

·  What deposit amount will reserve your day?

·  Does the resort/ship offer free weddings with honeymoons of a certain length (often the case at all-inclusive resorts)?

·  Do they offer discounts on return anniversary visits?

·  Does the resort/ship have your desired wedding date available?

·  How many days in advance of the ceremony should you arrive?

·  How many other people will be marrying there on that day?

·  Is there an on-site wedding coordinator? Will that person be there on your wedding day?

·  Will the resort/ship do all the paperwork for you and/or arrange a meeting with the marriage bureau?

·  Menus, bands, flowers, photography, officiates -- do you get to pick? Can you meet the officiant before the ceremony?

·  Can you choose the wording of the ceremony? Can you personalize your vows?

·  Can you hear tapes of bands? Will the resort/ship guarantee in writing that this is the band that will play (ditto for photographers)?

·  Where can you get married on-site? Is anything off-limits? What happens if it rains?

·  What types of decorations or themes do they offer? How much do they cost?

·  Is the resort/hotel experienced at handling a wedding of your size?

·  How many guests can attend the ceremony? Is there a charge for guests not staying at the resort? Are children allowed to attend?

·  Does the property have enough rooms fo r your guests on that date? Do they offer group discounts? If there are not enough rooms available, where do they suggest the overflow stays? How close is that property?

·  Can the site arrange a seated reception if you want one? Where on the site? What are the costs per person? Do the per-person rates vary by the time of day or day of the week or month? What do they include? Can you choose the menu?

·  Will copies of your marriage license be mailed to you, or can you arrange to pick them up? Will the resort take care of that?


Cruise-Ship Specifics

·  Which ships go to the destinations you want to visit on your honeymoon?

·  Are there any specials offered to honeymooners? Cabin upgrades, breakfast in bed, room service, honeymooners reception?

·  Do you want to be married on the ship or in a port of call? What are the costs for each type of ceremony? Marriage-license requirements?

·  Onboard, where can the cerem ony take place? On deck? In the ship's chapel? In another public room (disco, library)?

·  If you are marrying on land, how will you be transported to the site? Will a wedding coordinator accompany you?

·  How many non sailing guests are allowed at your ceremony?

·  If you are having guests, how long may they remain on the ship?


Destination Wedding Consultants

·  Is the consultant experienced with your destination? How many weddings has he/she done there?

·  Does the consultant charge by the hour? By the package? According to destination and wedding size?

·  What is the fee to start the process? Is there a deposit?

·  Does the consultant have a cell phone to facilitate easy communication?

·  What does the consultant expect your destination wedding to cost (low and high estimates)?

·  Can the consultant take care of honeymoon accommodations and airfare too?