Destination Wedding
Etiquette
 Faraway
affairs are often less formal than homegrown vows. Still, when it comes
to matters like money, bridal gifts and invitations, a few rules apply.
Here are some tips to help guide you through the list of dos and don'ts.
Guest List
You needn't feel compelled to invite your third cousins twice removed,
just remember that in between the cost of airfare and accommodations and
getting time off from work and school, not everyone on your guest list
will be able to join you. Typically, about 70 percent of the
people you invite will be be able to attend.
What about those who can't
go? Throw a party once you get back home. This kind of
"reception" can be large or small, formal or informal, and gives you and
your new spouse a chance to celebrate with all of your nearest and
dearest. Plan a decor around your destination, and be sure to have
wedding photos or even a video on hand to share with everyone.
Generally, gifts are not expected at this type of party, but
well-wishers will probably bring something anyway.
Save the Date
Your "save-the-date" cards for a destination wedding should go out six
months to a year in advance so your friends and family can work the trip
into their budget and work schedule. This way you'll also have an
idea early on of how many people will be able to attend.
As the big day
approaches create a simple website to keep invitees informed of travel
and accommodation options along with the price ranges, transportation
details, activities, and any other information that may simplify the
process for your guests. Keep the information current and email
your guests each time you make a significant change to your website.
NOTE:
Get a simple free one page website with your
honeymoon registry, or you can get a full service website for as little
as $7.95 a month with eweddings.com.
Who Pays for What?
At a destination wedding, there are varying beliefs as to what is proper
for the couple to pay for. Usually, destination wedding etiquette states
that guests pay for their own travel and accommodation expenses, but
there are some that state that the couple (or whoever is paying for the
destination wedding) should also pay for the guests' hotel rooms and
other expenses. Most commonly, however, it seems that the couple is only
seen to be responsible for the cost of the ceremony, reception, and any
other “mandatory” events (such as pre-wedding dinners and other
activities). Often, a thank you card acknowledging the guests attendance
and a small gift is appropriate. Or, the couple could offer to
contribute to the accommodations or airfare for some of their guests, or
host a special event for all guests the night before the wedding. The
couple should not assume that everyone they invite will be able to
attend the wedding and guests should not assume that the couple (or the
couple's families) will be paying for a majority of the trip. We have
found that, on average, a guest may spend between $750 and $1,100 to
attend a destination wedding.
Choosing a
Destination Wedding Party
When choosing a wedding party for your destination wedding, it might be
a bit harder than if you were planning a traditional wedding. Your
wedding party will probably be smaller than an at-home wedding.
Destination wedding etiquette dictates that you should pay for the
travel and other expenses of your wedding party. Be sure to give extra
notice to your wedding party so that there will be no conflicts on your
chosen dates, and let them know that you're going to be paying their
way, so that those people you've chosen don't feel that they'd have to
decline due to not being able to afford the trip.
Parents'
Destination Wedding Duties
The parents of the couple have differing duties for a destination
wedding depending on who is paying for the actual event. If the parents
of either the bride or groom are paying for the ceremony or reception,
they are also not expected to pay for the guests' travel or
accommodation costs. If the wedding is being thrown in a traditional
manner, and the bride's family is paying for most of the wedding, then
it is expected that the groom's family will pay for the rehearsal
dinner. They'll also probably be expected to chip in for other items as
well, but this should all be arranged before the wedding party gets to
the destination.
Guests' Destination
Wedding Duties
The guests at a destination wedding are responsible for the same things
that they would be at any other wedding. Even if they are paying
additional money to travel to and stay at a destination, guests are
still expected to bring gifts for the couple. They are also expected to
pay for their own amusements, food, and anything else that they need
during their stay. Guests should not expect the couple to pay for
anything beyond the wedding ceremony and reception, and they should not
expect to be entertained by the couple throughout the trip. They should
also give the couple “alone time” after the wedding, after all, this is
their honeymoon!
Nuptial Favors
There are many ways to welcome your guests and show you appreciate their
attendance. If the whole wedding party stays in one place, prepare
a small welcome bag for each one. You may be able to arrange with
your wedding coordinator to have these waiting for them in their room
when they check-in, or you can personally hand them out to everyone at
an evening reception. This gift can be a small welcome basket or
tote bag filled with local maps, native snacks, and an itinerary of
events. A beach or tote bag makes for a great keepsake and
remembrance of this special event.
Destination Wedding
Gifts
As with any nuptial, avoid the mention of gifts on your wedding
invitation. In fact, you should appear completely unconcerned with
gifts once you've arranged the registry. A family member or member
of the wedding party can inform guests where you are registered and let
invitees know to either send the presents to your home or to purchase
something off yuor honeymoon registry. It is acceptable wedding
reception etiquette to have the parents of the bride or groom (or
someone else close to them) let guests know to send gifts to the
couple's home, or to only bring gifts of money or gift certificates to
the destination. You can also register for honeymoon gifts at
Honeymoon Wishes.com and your guests can purchase those little
extras that will enhance your weddingmoon.
Destination
Weddings Pre-Wedding Parties
Pre-wedding parties, such as bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette
parties can bring guests together before the main event. This can also
hold true for couples who are having a destination wedding, as you can
have these parties before you leave for the wedding. Typically, you
should not invite people to these pre-parties that are not invited to
the wedding, as they are for guests of the wedding to be able to give
gifts and celebrate with the bride or groom. If you want to invite
people who will not be coming to your destination wedding, you may wish
to hold a party and specify that you do not want gifts, so it doesn't
seem as if you're just having a party to get additional items.
Destination Wedding Dress
Codes
The first thing to consider is the environment of your destination
wedding. Are you tying the know outdoors in a beachside setting,
atop a hillside, or inside an elegant hotel ballroom? If you're
heading to an island, go for natural, lightweight fabric like chiffon,
silk organza and satin crepes rather than a big ball gown. Look
for dresses that drape your body rather than cling to it, especially in
a tropical climate. A shorter dress works well in outdoor climate
where you might get a long dress dirty. You should skip the veil
if you are getting married and it is going to breezy.
For the groom a white dinner
jacket or light breathable fabric like linen and poplin are great
alternatives to a formal tux. Just make sure that you both wear
outfits that are compatible.
Because your wedding guests
may not have traveled to your destination of choice, they may need some
advice on what to wear. Depending on your preference and your
location, this can be anything from "cocktail attire" to "dressy attire"
to "resort casual". Bottom line is that you don't want your guests
to feel over or under dressed.
Destination Wedding
Quality Time
One of the great things about a destination wedding is that you get to
spend quality time with your family and your friends. But just
because they are there, doesn't mean you have to share every minute with
them, nor them with you. If you have a few days together before
your wedding it would be nice to plan an activity for each day, this way
no one feels that they are obligated to spend every waking moment
together. You can even send your invitees a questionnaire
beforehand to determine special interests and construct fun itinerary
based on the resort activities. No one is expecting you to plan
activities for each hour of each day you are together, particularly
after your wedding day. Declining invitations to socialize with
your guests following the "I do's" is neither inappropriate or against
tradition. You may also choose to transfer to another resort so
you can enjoy a true honeymoon, and your guests can enjoy the rest of
their "vacation".
When to Send
Destination Wedding Announcements
A couple should send wedding announcements to anyone (and everyone) who
was unable to attend their destination wedding. If you sent a wedding
invitation to someone, and they were unable to make it to your
destination, you don't need to send them an announcement, but if you did
not invite someone because you knew they couldn't make the trip, you
should definitely send that person an announcement. Wedding
announcements are often seen as being more proper than sending an
invitation to a guest that you know can't attend, because announcements
don't carry with them the expectation of gifts. Announcements are also a
great way of letting people know you had a destination wedding, so they
don't feel left out.
Having a Reception
After a Destination Wedding
Sometimes, a solution to not being able to invite everyone you'd like to
your destination wedding is to have a reception at home. A reception
that occurs after you've returned from your destination can be larger
and a great way to celebrate with all of your family and friends. If
you've had a really small destination wedding, or even if it was just
the two of you eloping, this sort of reception can include everyone and
be a compromise to having a traditional wedding in your hometown.
Receptions after the wedding can be big or small, formal or informal,
it's all up to your taste and budget. Guests invited to this
after-reception will probably be the same ones who are sent
announcements, so you may or may not wish to include your invitations to
the reception with them. Gifts are usually not expected at these affairs
(but some people will probably bring gifts anyway!).
Tips courtesy of DestinationWeddings.com, Elite Wedding Collection Magazine
and our own employees |
